No one likes to be in a conflictual relationship with a family member or close friend. When you get married, you are usually making a lifelong commitment. A commitment that includes the fact that you are now part of a new family. However, the relationship with some members of this family can, unfortunately, be somewhat conflicting. And for good reason! The mother-in-law holds a special place in her son’s life, she tends to be protective of him and sometimes even influences his choices in life. Faced with the new life of their sons, some mothers-in-law will be tempted to keep a priority place, even to overshadow their daughters-in-law.
And if the mother-in-law is difficult of character, this does not help matters. She will be even more reluctant to accept her son’s new love status and will feel threatened. With this in mind, the mother-in-law will try to preserve her position, even if it means interfering in her son’s relationship and starting endless conflicts. However, you want to get out of this conflictual sphere while maintaining a cordial and respectful relationship with your mother-in-law. Here are a few tips that may point you in the right direction.
ARM YOURSELF WITH PATIENCE
All mothers dream of an ideal woman for their sons, one who has qualities as well as faults. No matter how perfect or ideal you may be, such a mother-in-law will always find fault with you. So it’s important that you don’t take things personally, because even if it were another woman, your mother-in-law wouldn’t hesitate to find a flaw here or weakness there. The best weapon you have at your disposal, in this case, is patience. Be patient and be convinced that with time, your mother-in-law will get used to your presence and the reproaches will decrease considerably. You can also turn a deaf ear to certain remarks and only react to a conflict that is worthwhile. Your answers to this type of remark can be done in a humorous and subtle tone.
COMMUNICATE AGAIN AND AGAIN
It is common knowledge that communication is the keystone of any healthy relationship, regardless of its nature. There are times when you may feel uncomfortable or upset by some of your mother-in-law’s comments or actions. In this case, you should not swallow your anger and take it in stride. This can quickly create a build-up of resentment that will eventually explode and make the situation worse. The best reaction to have is to communicate with your mother-in-law. In order to avoid tension and a heavy atmosphere, it is strongly recommended that you talk things over with your mother-in-law. Respectful dialogue and transparent communication without trying to lecture or be blunt about it makes a big difference. Invite your mother-in-law for coffee in a nice place and discuss in a calm atmosphere what is weighing on you.
Relationship experts will tell you that empathy is essential for healthy and respectful behavior. In fact, the new schools of positive parenting advocate empathy as a pillar in this process. Being empathetic involves first and foremost understanding the other person and trying to identify their feelings at the time. The same should be true of how you should handle a conflict with your mother-in-law. Instead of engaging in an endless cold war, try to understand your mother-in-law’s motivation by adopting a constructive attitude. For many years, she has given and sacrificed everything for her son, who suddenly becomes your spouse. As a result, she sees herself dethroned by you. It is therefore not easy for her to assimilate this new situation and to adapt to it. You must have empathy for your mother-in-law even if she is difficult, and tell yourself that one day you will probably be one yourself.
INVOLVE YOUR MOTHER-IN-LAW
When you start your new life with your spouse, his mother may suddenly feel excluded from her son’s life. This may cause her to be difficult with you and reluctant in her relationship with you. To remedy this natural feeling, you can involve your mother-in-law in some of your activities from time to time or in some details of your life together, without it becoming intrusive for you. It must be said that moderation in this type of behavior is necessary. It is crucial that you know how much and how often to involve your mother-in-law in certain areas of your life as a couple or in the making of certain decisions. You can also ask your mother-in-law for advice about things that concern you only, she will feel useful and have a special consideration in your eyes.
The relationship with the mother-in-law is always a bit complicated, it is part of the nature of things. So, when the mother-in-law is difficult, the situation becomes more complicated. But you don’t have to throw in the towel and disown yourself. Sometimes it is enough to follow some tips to govern this delicate relationship very well and make it a healthy relationship that lasts.